Don’t be a Johnny.
This is the best advice I can give you.
I first heard these three words from my mother at church,
When she leaned over to my silent sister and whispered this phrase that got me thinking,
What does that even mean?
Urbandictionary states,
Johnny - Definition 1) Gallant and courteous, like an ideal knight.
Definition 2) Someone with a special charm or allure that inspires allegiance and devotion.
Definition 3) One of, if not THE coolest person you’ll ever meet.
Definition 4) The most interesting man in the room.
Definition 5) The street name for a condom as used in the sentence,
“I slapped on a Johnny and rammed her all night long.”
I guess that’s me.
The walking condom.


If you asked who I think I am, I’d say,
“I don’t know. I haven’t been able to keep up with myself these days.”
Because I hang out with (roughly) 499 people and I have 499 different faces and catchphrases for the people I’m with.
Ralph Waldo Emerson wrote, “imitation is suicide”.
If this is the case, then I’ve killed myself 499 times over to fit in with people I can’t even remember the names of sometimes.
I’ve memorized the lines to say to each person, what gets them excited and gives me permission to be tagged in their instagram photos with a caption saying, “lunch with squad”.
I’ve high-fived so many people, that my hand is bruised at the end of the day, when I look at myself in the mirror and I start thinking about what people see in me.
My mother says I’m useless.
My friends say I’m amazing.
My teachers say I should live every day to inspire 7 more.
And Urbandictionary is clear on how it views a “Johnny”.
My brain says, “You’re a moderately attractive, somewhat entertaining, optimistically funny, lazy, stupid, ignorant person that might as well be called ‘the walking condom’ due to how many people you’ve fucked over you sleazy, irresponsible, no good, worthless-”.
Oh no. That’s my mother speaking speaking.






I have 499 faces, not one of them can be identified as Johnny Rome.
How is that even possible!?
I talked about how I was standing on the gallows, waiting to drop and hang.
I said I’d have a smile on my face when it happens.
But that wasn’t my smile, that’s face number 387,
A face I copied from Average Joe!
I’m plagiarizing personalities to satisfy everyone except me, and I just don’t understand!


In 6th period, I always tell Jazmin that I’ll “Eff it up”, like I’m actually going to be awesome at any point in my life.
That isn’t the case.
You ask if I care about things, and I’ll usually respond with
“I have zero fucks to give.”
But if you could hear the level of explicit syllables I spit when people have told that I’m a prodigy,
Making art out of nothing,
And changing this school I just arrived to,
You’d cringe at the amount of unnecessary F-Bombs, weaved into intelligent words and proper Grammar that I berate at myself in the bathroom mirror.


“Listen up you disgusting, abominable, abhorrent excuse for a human being.
You Harry Potter looking disgrace to everyone and everything you know and love.
If you’re an asshole, you make every other criminal deemed asshole repent.
Because they’d rather be good, changed people than be on the same level of treachery as you.
With every person’s life that you think you touch, you ruin 3 more!
Like the 3 Year Old who’s $67 birthday cake you dropped!
Think about why all of your past relationships have ended.
And what about the poetic girl? You asked her to wait, and there she was.
Waiting! For 4 years!
Remember the freshman that played guitar last year?
You promised her a heart, completely intact,
And you gave hers back with a break in it.
And unluckily for you, she didn’t get the warranty.
Hare dare you think of yourself before everybody else?
You’re selfish.
You have no overzealous
Behavior towards the people that show selfless
Care for you.
There’s no way to replenish
The love from people you’ve done elfish things to.
Your sarcastic remarks close hearts to the only people that ever wanted to be around you.
You’ve playfully rolled your eyes to avoid normal greetings from people, pretending like you don’t care.
But deep down, you REALLY don’t care.
What’s the matter with you!?
You’re a thoughtless,
Heartless,
Fortress that forfeits,
All love.
Remorseless to the people around you,
You cruel bastard.
You’re an advocate
For bad behavior.
Please articulate
Your thoughts in this poem
So you can indicate
To everyone why they should not like you the way they have been.”


So you can see my dilemma when I get the sixth definition of my name from a friend.
Johnny - Definition 6) The sweetest, most caring, down-to-earth guy you could meet.
He has the most gorgeous brown eyes and a smile that can brighten your day in seconds.
When you’re bothered or upset, he’ll know and he’ll be there to help.
He’ll remind you constantly of how beautiful you are…
He’s not your average guy.
He doesn’t realize how special he is, which is a shame,
So it’s up to you to show him.
He's a one of a kind human being with so much talent, not only will he do what you ask, but he’ll take it to the next level.
A level you never would have known even existed without him.
If you find yourself a Johnny, then you’re one lucky person.
This definition is used mostly for the sentence,
“Have you ever met a Johnny? Well, if you haven’t, then you’re missing out.”
An epistle on a sticky note…














Don’t be a Johnny.
Don’t loathe yourself to the point where your mirrors best be covered up by pictures of all of the people you’d rather be than you.
Don’t be uncomfortable in your own skin when your mind tells you to be.
Be a Johnny.
Be a Johnny in the sense where you should be gallant and courteous like a knight.
Someone with a special charm or allure that inspires allegiance and devotion.
One of, if not THE coolest person anyone will ever meet.
The most interesting human in the room.
And someone that your friend thinks is deserving of an epistle on a sticky note
Telling you you’re one of the greatest friends they’ve ever had.
Like you’re a man in a bodysuit of ink, gathering his family in his arms,
Tell yourself “I’ve made so many mistakes. But these people make me feel like I’ve been a saint.”
“I love them for that.”
If you do that, maybe…
Just maybe…
Your 500th face will be tailor made for you.


I am Jonathan Pierce Rome.
I thank the mistakes I used to regret, because they led me here,
Rigorously typing these poems.
Jonathan Pierce Rome!
If that name means the man with 500 faces,
Then I will display all 500 of my faces, gallantly and courteously.
500 Faces ranging from “bored in class” to “walking condom”.
If this is who I am meant to be,
Well then who am I to disagree?